someone tell my husband to play this at my funeral

There is this singer dude I really like. His name is James Blunt. I am sure most of you have heard his song "beautiful"...yeah...I don't condone stalking, but this song is one good thing that came out of a bad, creepy habit. At any rate, he wrote a song that is on the same album the messed up stalker song is on. Its called "Goodbye My Lover" and it is seriously depressing. Odd that I want to share it, but I think its hauntingly beautiful. Can those 2 go together? Well, its touching. Stirs emotions...

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? Ok...not quite sure if this is creepy too....like
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, he had some unnatural obcession with a
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. girl and it went to far??? But the rest of
So I took what's mine by eternal right. the song is good. I swear.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you. Wow....my heart was blinded by you? {MELT}
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you. Addicted? Again, kinds creepy, but thats WAY beyond
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend. a crush... perfect lyrics.
You have been the one.You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child. Yikes.... having to say these things after a lover
I'd spend a lifetime with you. has passed...tragic.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you. Cliche, but a very emotional line in the song.
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time, So is he saying he is going to act on his feeling of
When I'm kneeling at your feet. inabliltiy to live without her? He just wants to
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend. hold the bitch's hand again!! DAMN!!!
You have been the one.You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow. Hollow. No better word. Just
completely freaking empty. holy
shit.

This song floored me. I am still not too sure the exact meaning of it, and James Blunt says its much too personal for him to reveal. He was hesitant in releasing the song in the first place. Rumors are all over, that its about a girlfriend dying during childbirth, others that its just about a lover dying.... but it still has its creepy elements. And knowing that he stalked an ex girlfriend...well, not to say that he actually acted on it, but maybe he thought a Romeo and Juliet scenario would work out for them. Together only in death? Hmmmmm.... Seriously, find the track and listen though.

the epitome of cuteness

So it may just be that I am biased because they are my own flesh and blood, but you can't tell me these pictures don't score some points.
God bless Megan at The Picture People. She totally rocks and my kids LOVE her. Its shows in the pictures.

Here are a few more points the little tikes scored:
--My mother in law's fiance passed away a few years ago, and Madelyn talks about Papa Harry being in Heaven quite a bit, and prays to him constantly. Just recently, my husband lost his dog to cancer. We explained to Madelyn that Lexie is in Heaven with Papa Harry now. About a week after the dog passed, Madelyn was eating her lunch and she stopped and said to me "I hope Lexie found Papa Harry in Heaven so they can hug each other." Yeah, I cried too.
--Here is a good holiday story for ya. Some of you know how this one goes. It is not an easy task to teach a 3 year old the value of a dollar...hell the value of a freaking quarter at that. So when she wants everything she sees at the store, she continually gets the same daunting reply "We don't have enough money for that right now..." or something along those lines. So come Christmas time, we are walking into the mall and there is a Salvation Army volunteer outside dinging that same tired old bell. Madelyn asked me what the man was ringing his bell for, and I replied "He is trying to raise money to give to people who don't have much". To which she responds "Are you going to give him money??" to which I blurt "I don't have any money to give him." So then she says "Does he give us the bucket of money?"
Then there is Benny who doesn't have any cute little blunders or rantings to talk about. But his personality is just as big as Madelyn's...packed into all those little rolls in his legs and arms. He waves "buh bye" at everything he can, shakes his head no for 10 minutes at a time, babbles and then laughs at whatever gibberish he just made up, and is ridiculously ungraceful.

And I have front row seats to the best show in the world.

diary of a madwoman

Surprisingly success has found its way into my dieting madness. I survived my first 2 weeks on the painful "phase one" of my South Beach Diet. And I can honestly brag that I only cheated 2 days out of the 14; one being on Easter when, yes, I did indulge in a few M&M's and some banana bread, and the other last Saturday night by the fire pit I had a can of pop and a Take 5 (my freaking weakness for sure). But, I still think I came out on top making it half way to my 20 pound goal...and then some. I am officially down 11 pounds, and I am now seeing a difference in how my clothes fit, and my arms don't jiggle when I wave to people anymore. I still haven't attempted to put the boots I had a falling out with back in November...I'll save that victory for next fall. Cankles or not, I get along with flip flops much better.
So what in the hell did it take to lose 11 pounds in 2 weeks you ask? Here is just a sample of what I ate:
Breakfast- Atkins shake (tastes a lot like Slim Fast...not too bad. Only 2 grams of carbs too!) or a few scrambled eggs and turkey bacon.
Lunch- Fat free cottage cheese (quarter cup or so) and lunch meat roll ups--reduced fat cheese and low fat lunch meat rolled up...mmmmmm ;) Sometimes I would eat a salad instead.
Snack- A handful of peanuts, or a fat free fudgsicle.
Dinner- Chicken breast or low fat steak with green beans and a salad.
Drinks...only water or Wylers/Crystal Lite.
So now I am reintroducing carbs back into my life. Parting was such sweet sorrow. Its sooooo good to have them back. I can eat whole wheat breads, bagels, noodles etc., and I can have fruit too. It makes snacking a lot easier this way. So hopefully I will be down my next 9 pounds within a few more weeks.

i'm on a roll....

Mmmmmm.....a roll ...drool.... Yes people, the diet is going suprisingly well. I have lost 7 pounds (in 4 days...thats healthy alright!!) and I honestly don't know where its coming from. My clothes don't fit any different...I don't look any different. This just goes to prove to the people wrong who said I would be too skinny if I lost 20 pounds. Not so true. I've lost 7, and not even a pant size. I am almost half way to my goal. As for my husband...well, that cheating jerk. (not the kind of cheating that requires castration, though.) He has buckled under stress. He is out of town and working LONG LONG hours .....RIIIIIGHT ;) he he. Anywho, he is working hard to bring home the bacon so I can eat it. Mmmmmmmm... ...bacon.... (as long as its lowfat I can have it on this diet though!!!) I don't know where my willpower has come from, but I have it. I hope it doesn't leave me when I cheat on Easter. Seriously guys, its a sin not to eat a chocolate egg, bunny or cross on the day the Lord rose from the dead... right?

where the hell is animal control?

So last night I am trying to sit and have a nice uneventful evening that did not require pill popping of any sort. My adult company has been minimal, and not fond of the idea of pulling an all night-er with me, although they have been generous in other areas. (Thank you again) I watched LOST last night with the hopes that something good was going to happen, and NADA. Oh well. My kids were in bed and well past the point where they should have been up and crying or talking to themselves or whatever they do to stay awake as late as they possibly can. But I kept hearing whining and crying. I was in my basement picking up the disaster that happened to it throughout the day, and I could swear I heard it again. It was too cold for any neighbors to have their windows open, and mine were shut as well. So I checked the baby monitor to make sure it was functioning up to par. Mmmm Hmmm. That wasn't it. So I went back to cleaning thinking I was just imagining it, being so occupied by my mess. Low and behold...there it freaking went AGAIN. So I went up to Benny's room to make sure he was in bed and not like somehow lying in my driveway or front yard crying. All good there. Then I remembered a story--probably just a hoax or something, but one can never be too careful I guess. There was some psycho apparently going around with a recording of a baby crying and he would put it outside a woman's door (knowing she would choose her motherly instincts over logic), and she would open the door to find the baby, and that's where the psycho would do his psycho things to the overly caring lady. So I turned the TV back on the drown out the noise. Well, later I was on the phone with my husband and the noise came back, but way WAY to loud to ignore this time. My heart was beating out of my chest like one of those old cartoons. I checked on my kids again. Then, with Bob on the phone, I bravely opened my back door to see if I could pin point where these cries were coming from. Yup...my driveway. But thankfully at that point, my senses came back to me and I realized it was my freaking weirdo neighbor's stray cat collection having an orgy outside my kitchen window. Lovely. Music to my bloody ears. These are the same cats that made opening up our front windows a few summers ago an agonizing event. The damn furballs thought it would be cute to mark our porch as their territory, and of course ruin any fresh air in that surrounding area. The neighbor bitch just takes it upon herself to feed any and every cat that strolls though our area, and then they stay and multiply. I can hear her at like 7 in the morning all summer bellowing to these mangy felines to come "home" and eat. One of our neighbors even went to the extent of fencing off their entire front yard to keep the little bastards away. I applaud them. Instead, I just continue to chase them out of my yard, off my porch, and out of my garage. That cat lady should be charged with something. Something like public nuisance, or possession of catnip with the intent to deliver... Something MUST be done, dammit.

oh the temptation...

Ok...so I am supposed to be spring cleaning today. I put it off yesterday because it was sunny and warm for a change. I am hosting Easter at my house this year, and my home is seriously a scary sight. My house should be taped off with police "caution" tape. Its embarrassing. I am trying to tackle the grime in my basement bathroom, and somehow my computer is just screaming my name. Nice. So here I am. What the hell is wrong with me? Any excuse to procrastinate I guess. "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow...?" I love that quote. I live by it. There was seriously no point for this blog entry...just to waste time that I could be using to clean. I'll be kicking myself in the ass later tonight when I'm too tired to do what I was supposed to be doing now. So I guess I better go.

what the hell am i thinking???

Well, folks...I am forewarning all of you that I am not going to be a nice person for a couple of weeks. During a few moments of pure insanity, I agreed to South Beach Diet with my husband, who I must say is much better at the game than I am. I am all geared up with the right foods, (for the diet at least, not for normal people who have any traces of common sense.) and trying to have a good attitude. I need to do something to get past the stand still I am at right now. I'm not gaining anything (that's a plus) but I still have rolls and cankles. So we will just have to see what this does for me. I hope a lot. All I know is people have told me that if I can just make it past the 3rd day, I'll be golden. That's when I buckled the last time. So if by the end of this week none of you have heard from me, find means to make sure I haven't passed out of malnutrition. I'd be very appreciative.

the road to bankruptcy...

All I need is $850,000.00, an escrow account that has continual deposits (so I can pay the property taxes), and my husband and I could probably squeak by with 3 jobs a piece to pay for things like electric, heat, water and general maintenance. Imagine 6,400 square feet of home... in my case, that's just another 4,400 square feet to trash and clean up. The Lord knows if I have to shell out the money for taxes, upkeep and utility bills, I won't be seeing a maid anytime soon. But just to dream about it makes me downright giddy. This house has been listed by Howard Hanna, but I can't seem to find it online. I read all about it in the House to Home section of Saturday's paper. "Luxurious" is how they describe it. "Overkill" is what I call it. It is in a neighborhood that is tucked away pretty much in the middle of the city, not one of the new developments on the outskirts of town. Not quite new construction, but built in 1992. Slightly disappointed that there are only 4 bedrooms, cuz hell, if I'm shellin' out over three quarters of a million to shack up in style, it would be nice to have a few extra bedrooms for a large family and/or guests. Lets face it, 6,400 square feet is wasted space without people to utilize all of it. There are also 4 full bathrooms on the 2nd floor, as well as a "powder room" on the first floor, which would totally come in handy during all the keg parties I would host (for 5 dollars per person, of course). Then there is a formal dining room and living room...blah blah blah, and I'm sure I would have to get that ugly fancy looking furniture with the plastic on top of it, cuz comfort and practicality walk out the door at that point. The kitchen is a little disappointing as well... 19x19. Now, considering my kitchen is a closet compared to that, 19x19 just doesn't scream "gourmet" to me. Hello, aren't we talking elaborate here?? It does get better. I think I would set up camp in this area in which is described as a "media center". Complete with surround sound, doors leading out to a patio (and a meticulously landscaped yard), mahogany floors, one of 4 or 5 fireplaces, and get this: a circular bar that joins the "media center" with the indoor pool. But that's not all...the pool room, get this, also houses a stone hot tub...the pool has freaking fiber optic lighting, and there is a retractable glass ceiling. Yes, a convertible roof. Bordering all of this is a steam shower room, exercise room and laundry room. And in case all that isn't enough to make you wanna go play the lottery, there is also a 3 car heated garage, completely finished basement with a wine cellar, private balconies to most of the bedrooms, and floating spiral staircase. For some more headaches and living costs, this property also features 4 hot water tanks, multiple furnaces and central air units, as well as a central vacuum system (cuz who the hell wants to carry a vacuum around 6,400 square feet), and who could forget the ever so important security system with cameras/video and gates. I hope there is an intercom system in this palace.

people on my shitlist

1. mother nature. see below.
2. the keebler elves. damn you and your delicious cookies marketed for 4 year olds and devoured by thier parents.
3. randy jackson. burn that ensemble that you wore last night.
4. the people at sams club who decide what they stock. because of you bastards I am now going to have to choose new products or pay full price for half the items i USED to buy at your establishment.
5. the easter bunny. delivering chocolates and sugary shit to my house...my only satisfaction is the fact my chocolate is shaped like you when i eat it.
6. you damn vacationers. ok--so i'm just bitter.
7. the genius who instituted daylight savings. my inner clock is still all retarded.
8. sirius radio customer service. i WILL get my rebate, mark my words Jamie.

my ears are bleeding

So it is now apparent that none of the idols should ever sing country again. Not even in the shower. Except Bucky, who by the way didn't really pick a very country song. Is he stupid? This was his week to take the gold and he blew it. And Kelly made country even more annoying to me that it ever has been. Thank you for that.

speaking of things that mess with our minds...

I got some cool pictures in an e-mail the other day.

Pretty sweet. At first, I see the word "me" But if you read whats written inside it in the color of the background, you see it says "you".

I like this one too. The first thing I see is the word "illusion"...I guess most everyone else sees the word "optical" first. Neat. :P

This one is my favorite. In the black you will see "GOOD" is written. How clever that "EVIL" is on the inside of the word. Symbolic?

Oh shit...how the hell did that get in there? ;)

letter of complaint

Dear Mother Nature,
It has been 6 months since I have seen one full day of sun and temperatures not requiring coats. Seeing as how it is now April and the first day of spring has come and gone, I was eagerly awaiting the arrival of tollerable weather. I'm not quite sure what is up your ass this late in the season, but your recent collaberation with Jack Frost was not a very nice April Fool's joke. (and it was a little late I may add. Maybe you should consult with Father Time before you try to pull some shit again.) The weathermen I'm sure are fearing for their lives, because you are convieniently a figurative entity and cannot be "taken out". When 3 inches of snow stick to the ground on the lakeshore in the month of April...it does things to people. Bad things. Does "going postal" mean anything to you? People in this town pine for the seasons that are, well, not winter. And when you say its Spring, well, you best deliver spring to us, bitch. Fluffy frozen shit falling from the sky does not constitute as Spring to anyone but a freaking Eskimo and his pet polar bear. And let me tell you, people do not just get emotionally distrot, but now headcolds and flus will plague the workplaces and schools until you stop this yo-yo weather bullshit. Do you have a contract with the HMO's and PPO's? I know you have got to be pissed about all the polution and whatnot...things damaging your lovely Ozone, but I figured you would be getting all your anger out with all those hurricanes and tornados, monsoons and floods, and that tsunami. Now you gotta go and pick on the North because having three quarters of the year spent in the cold, wind, snow, sleet, rain and frost just isn't punishment enough. What the hell ever happened to global warming?
Pissed off and cold,
Erie
PS. Please don't get mad and take this letter out on me...Buffalo made me write it.