I KNEW IT!!!

Yes...I made my prediction, and I was right. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa...what were you thinking????? First off, that song just didn't do it for you...of all the songs you could have picked from the last 6 years...bad pick, sister...bad pick. Second, and most importantly, WHY Kelly Clarkson?? HELLO?????? She IS THE American Idol. Yeah, people, here I go.... I am seriously infatuated with Kelly Clarkson. She set the bar so high for any other individual in this country who auditions for this competition. She blows me away...I can't believe the pipes on that one. No one should ever try to emulate her powerhouse vocals. So for some chick to get up on that stage who barely has her feet wet in this competition and sing one of Kelly's songs....well...ballsy move, sweetheart. I guess maybe I should commend you for not picking a "safe song" as Simon likes to say. But maybe you wouldn't be packing your bags if you had. ????
And what the hell is up with Bucky? What the hell kinda name is that? Why are people voting for this chump? He is not an "idol"...cuz if there are people out there striving to "be like Bucky", America is going to turn into one huge trailer park. I don't get his performances either. He is boring, and hard to look at. Lets go America...vote this sucker back home to the range.

My picks are Paris and Elliot. I think they bring the most to the table. Paris has such diversity with her vocal abilities...she has made every genre thus far sound good. Plus she is just so cute, even though Bob thinks she looks like a troll... And Elliot. I just like 'em. I don't know why. He has big potential. Someone needs to teach him how to dance though...or at least move in an appealing way on stage...what were those gyrations the other night? Maybe he and Taylor could go "halfsies" on some lessons.
And just for some more shits and giggles... I have to add my story about Kevin. Yeah, Chicken Little. Was the split screen really necessary for that poor kid? Anywho, my husband has a friend who bears a slight resemblance to this little dude, but I kept it to myself. After I watched a few more shows, I had to say something to my husband. Well, then this kid gets the ax from the show and I guess America was bummed because he was just so cute (not a pop icon though). So the day after the vote off show, my husband is talking to his Kevin look-alike friend. Apparently, I'm not alone in thinking this as he says to Bob "I'm pretty bummed I got voted off American Idol last night". The people he works with and his friends and stuff who have been telling him this all along. Guess we all have look-alikes somewhere...some of us have like 10, huh blondie!?!?!

may the whacking begin...

For those of you with your minds in the gutter, CLEAN IT UP! (No names mentioned, but you know who you are...)

SO, I just have to say, the Sopranos are totally kicking ass so far this season. I am seriously impressed with the sustenance of this new season. Although I am grotesquely nostalgic for murder, theft, money laundering, and coke sniffing action, I can make do without it for the boss's "me time" in his coma. The story line for his subliminal "dreams" has me trapped. For those of you who don't watch...well, you're missing out. The writers found an amazing way to get inside Tony's head and tell a story from his subconcious. But who is the real Kevin Finnerty? And whats with the monks? And a sweet young Meadow calling him away from his "family reunion". (sniffle, tear)


And Grey's Anatomy-freaking rerun. BUT, last week was something to talk about. THANK GOD for Alex beating up George's psyche. SOMEONE had to do that. And George and Burke being buddies? Didn't see that one coming. HA! And Christine babysitting...didn't see that one coming either! LOL! I can't wait to see what happens with Izzie and Denny... or maybe what happens with Alex and Denny...???



Which leads me finally to LOST. Yeah. A diary on the lost website ( http://abc.go.com/primetime/lost/diary/105169.html/105169.html ) states that man being held captive is someone's brother. I can't figure out what gene pool his freaky ass washed out of though. My theory which is apparently wrong: Psycho man is TOTALLY one of the "others". I say its an ambush with his balloon...cuz he wasn't originally one of the "others". My theory is that he is telling the truth about his balloon, and the wife. BUT there is something about the kids, and people who get sick on that island that draws "the others" to them. SO I think his wife got sick and "the others" found them and brainwashed them. Now he is ambushing Ana the retard and the asses dumb enough to follow her into the jungle. Ana Lucia is just a bull headed stupid ass and can go get herself killed for all I care. And howcome that heroin addict, Charlie hasn't had the shakes or a fever or any kind of withdrawl? Hmmmmm... On a happier note, Sun was totally gettin a little sumthin'-sumthin' from that mystery man in his hotel room. "OOOOO me so horney.....me love you looong time"....those amourous phrases just don't sound right in Korean. What, did you think her sterile mobster hubby really did fertilize her miraculously?

well, there you go.

Thanks to someone who has a little more patience when it comes to finding things in cyberspace, here is a link to the article from salary.com I was referring to in my blog "where the hell is my paycheck". Again, I don't agree with some of the stuff salary.com had to say, but the blogger from GMU is still a freaking jackass.
http://www.salary.com/careers/layouthtmls/crel_display_Cat10_Ser253_Par358.html

the incerdible inedible cake

So I thought just a little advertising for myself wouldn't be a bad thing. And where better to do it than on my blog. I seem to be picking up a lot of orders lately and have been considering launching a business.
Diaper cakes. A lot of people have never seen one, some have never even heard of them. Its really a simple concept that takes some creativity and an eye for coordinating colors and themes. There are quite a few sites online that sell this product for some serious cash, and the merchandise used to create their cakes doesn't appear to be the highest of quality. Every cake I have made so far has been an original, no two the same. I am debating whether I should offer 3 standard cakes: girl, boy and neutral. That takes the fun out of making them for me though. I like to see each one turn out different than the rest. The cake pictured above was made for one of my very close friends. There are 128 diapers, and over 50 items on the cake. I have made cakes with Iitems purchased off a registry, or themes for a nursery. They are great gifts for baby showers, baptisms, hospital visit gifts etc.
My "standard" cake is a 3 tier cake. It holds 56 size one diapers, as well as 15-20 items to "decorate" the cake. These items range from blankets, towels, washcloths, burp cloths, rattles, teething rings, stuffed toys, socks, booties, etc. Generally, my "standard" cakes cost $80. Give or take some items, I can tailor a cake for whatever dollar amount a person would want to spend. Each cake also comes with a card with a poem on the outside and the "ingredients" of the cake on the inside.

Here is one of my girly cakes.






Here is one of my boy cakes.








Interested?? E-mail sweetcheekgift@aol.com

where the hell is my paycheck?

USA Today had published an article in 2005 which placed an annual salary to a job that does not have a monetary value: Stay-at-home mother, housewife, homemaker--whatever you wanna call it. According to a poll done at Salary.com, which I can't seem to find anywhere, it was determined a salary of $130,000.00 a year is deserving of a stay-at-home mother. Sounds good to me! But, some lowbrow, naive, jello for brains fool from George Mason University thought they would break it down further and sound like a jealous jackass. He gets all bent out of shape over a hypothetical situation. http://www.stats.org/record.jsp?type=logentry&ID=297 This person states that the poll had problems and that stay-at-home mothers "invent" titles for themselves that do not deserve the same salary a professional is worth. Granted, I do see the validity in that (as in the example given in the GMU blog), a cook gets paid X amount per year to create and invent meals and dishes that most mothers don't have the time to mess with. I know I don't deserve credit for reheating left-overs, and that having a full-time chef's salary is ridiculous. It is also ridiculous for any stay-at-home mom to believe that she deserves full-time pay for all the "careers" or "jobs" she takes on. But then the ignorant jerk has the audacity to ask "who would pay this kind of money for these services?" DUH!!!! You shithead!!!!! That is why we DON'T get paid. Our bosses are freaking back sassing, Disney loving, sticky drool monkeys. And then he blogs (because at this point I can only assume it is a testosterone injected male primate concocting these outrageous statements) that any man, given this salary would opt to be a stay-at-home mom. (giggle giggle....bursts out in laughter) So, GMU blog author, I challenge you--and if I had $2500.00 ($130,000 broke down to a weekly wage) I would pay you to do what I do for just one week. Which is sad. Many people would need the income as motivation, and I do it strictly for the rewards of knowing I am raising smart, courteous, loving and well-rounded individuals...not for a paycheck. I believe that if people were paid to do what I do, parents would be opting out on the work force and staying home for the wrong reasons.

referencing back to "inventing" titles...I just have to say to this insensitive blogger: Fuck off. We do not "invent" titles. They have always been there, and always will be...unfortunate for women like myself, they tend to go unrecognized. Not that I can complain, I do have my perks. I can take the kids to the pool and hang out, or go to the beach...or maybe the zoo, etc. I can indulge in a nap once in a while when my kids nap. I have more quality time with my kids than anyone else. But, if I can remember correctly from the years that I was a part of the work force, employers and companies allow some perks along the way as well. I think there is something called "vacation time"...hmmmm...paid to be AWAY from work. Let me let you in on a little something: unless I get family to fill in for me, I have to shell out money for a vacation day. And at that, it usually just a few hours for dinner and drinks. Here's another one: "sick day"....yeah. never really had one of those. I've cleaned up my own vomit and then turned around and cleaned up my child's vomit 5 minutes later. And how about this one: "when you're child is away at school, is that a 6 hour lunch break?" Yes. Yes, I can see where a boob such as yourself would be so shallow not to investigate before you open your pre-opinionated pie hole and allow such worthless crap to spill out. Considering this time as a "break" is a great misconception. I have laundry, dishes, pick up time (cuz anyone who has kids know that there is shit all over your house that is out of place daily) among other things that aren't done daily such as balancing the check book, vacuuming, dusting, meal plans, phone calls regarding family issues (doctors, insurance companies, schools, utility companies, etc.), grocery shopping, scrubbing toilets, etc. Oddly enough, if I spend time "goofing off" like watching TV or messing around on the internet, I feel guilty about it--and I'm not even wasting company wages...go figure that! In my situation, my daughter only goes to school 2 days a week for 3 hours a day, and I have an 8 month old to look after as well. I do believe that when I am sending all my children to school full time, I will go back to work part time. You may be saying that mothers who don't stay home still have these duties. Yes, they do. And they don't get paid for it either. Unfortunately, they spend less time with their families in an attempt to perform those duties. It is mentioned that the salary is based off a 100 hour work week...60 of which are overtime. 2 problems with that one. 1. There are 168 hours in a week. To say that a mother does not "work" the whole time is true, we do need sleep. But we are totally on call. I don't remember the last night I slept a full 8 hours...hell, I'll even say 6 hours...without any "calls" I had to take. And from what I understand, professionals on call get paid more when they are "called in"...am I right? 2. Overtime. ???? Well, I'll take it if that's what they want to calculate it as, but I always considered overtime to be the hours one works to finish resposibilities that couldn't be completed during a typical work day (say 8 hours). To even put a label of a 40 hour work week on what I do is asinine, but then everything else said in your blog was too.
Since this "inventing" titles thing is bothering me so much, I thought I would just list a few of the "invented" titles us stay-at-home mothers have. (of course they are only part time, and some are only per diem--meaning that they are skills one only uses when needed)
1. Cook. --even though it doesn't take much to reheat leftovers, or make macaroni and cheese from a box, Taco Bell employees make like 7 something an hour to throw pre-mixed frozen shit on a grill, wrap it up and ask if I want fire sauce with that.
2. Teacher. --again, an important job that even the real ones don't get paid enough to do. parents have duty to teach their children lessons the schools don't give.
3. Counselor. --kids can get pretty unruly if they don't know how to cope with their emotions...TRUST ME.
4. Personal Aide. --yes, I spoon feed them and wipe their asses. Put a price tag on that one.
5. Nurse. --granted, I can't do anywhere near as much as a nurse could do, but I administer medications, basic first aid, and make judgments regarding their health.
6. Book keeper. --1 income, 4 people. juggling funds so that there is food, diapers, lights, heat, a home etc. as well as a little left over for fun, new clothes (which kids need often), or savings (ha! That's a good one!)
7. Maid. --although my house is nowhere near perfectly in order, but the dishes get done, we have clean clothes to wear, the dust doesn't pile up and I still feel clean when I get out of my shower.
8. Event planner. --coordinating family events such as parties, holidays, play dates, etc.
9. Personal Assistant. --not only does it suck to have to shop for things that aren't for you, but taking a stubborn, "I want everything" 4 year old with you puts the icing on the cake.
10. Moderator. --keeping peace between the kids...also making sure they aren't diving head first off the couch or putting marbles in their mouth.

so not funny....

ok. i posted a blog the other day entitled "i think i'm onto something". well...when i published it, the whole thing went up and i thought all was good. nope. i came back tonight to see that a line of gibberish had replaced an entire paragraph that so eloquintly expressed my feelings on bloating. so now, i have made a 2nd draft, that i am not as proud of, but it will have to do. after messing with the damn thing for an hour and half, it WILL have to do. so, go check it out again, and it may make more sense this time around. thanks!

oh i wish....

...no, not for an oscar mayer weiner...
I wish I had TIVO. Sunday is just not good anymore. Why is it when there are only a few good shows to watch on television, they all end up airing the same night, and at the same time? Bob and I have agreed that we are totally inept to operate a VCR anymore. Therefore, TIVO is now a must. That home make over show is on at 8, and even though that Ty Bennington dude annoys the complete living daylights outta me, I am still compelled to watch the show. It boggles me that an entire home can be built, decorated, furnished and in move in condition in one week. Just imagine how much faster that shit could get done with a team of Amish dudes on the job.... Desperate Housewives comes on at 9pm...perfect. The kids are in bed, my PJ's are on and the couch is calling my name. After that, I top off the night with Grey's Anatomy. That is my couch potato night. But NOW, HBO has to go and put the Sopranos on at 9pm on Sundays and throw me all off. So what to do? Many thanks to my mother in law for TIVO-ing Desperate Housewives. And soon, The Contender will be back, and seeing that it was on Sundays last year, I can only predict it will return to Sundays, possibly at 9pm again this year. So now that I am all caught up, here are my thoughts on Sunday night TV:
The Housewives: Ok...the line of the night goes out to my alcoholic girl, Bree. "The opposite of love isn't hate. Its indifference. You hating me means you still care." Yikes. She has a lot on her plate. Blackmail, AA meetings, still drinking and the talk of the neighborhood. Gabrielle and Carlos--trying to adopt. $20,000.00--can you say black market baby? I thought they were broke?? Susan still loves MIKE!! But I think we knew that.
Grey's Anat: Hmmmm.... kinda boring. McDreamy is moving past Meridith now that she told him about George, and that man whose wife has the anurism kinda opened his eyes as well. George still won't talk to Mer. And now he is blowing off a perfectly hot doctor to mope.
Sopranos: Uh...yeah. The end was a total mind fuck. Which, I may add, that show is good for doing. So, 2 guys from the "family" dead. Neither of which were "whacked", but they were both talking to the feds. Carmella scored a new Porsche...don't know the relevance that had in the show, but it was the focus of quite a few scenes. Advertising? >shrug<>

What will next Sunday bring? TIVO maybe? he he!

i think i'm onto something...

Ok...I seriously don't mean to be obsessive, but I was getting my har did and I was looking through one of those magazines where page after page has nothing buy skinny bitches wearing ensambles made of hardly any material, and a 4 figure price tag. I came upon an article that said some women may be walking around with 10 extra pounds of water weight. I have diagnosed myself with this disorder. It said your rings will become tight, or not fit, you're constantly thirsty and frequently urinanting small amounts, your socks leave indentations around your cankles (ok, so I added that word in), and some other symptoms I will refrain from discussing. Now, I am supposed to take the advice from some all knowing (probably) skinny bitch. She offers me nothing I don't already know. Drink more water, avoid salt...yadda yadda yadda. I did learn something though that does not apply to me. There is a chemical called sugar alcohol. It exists in those fake, poser, wanna-be sugar substites that only crazy people on The South Beach Diet consume. This chemical does not promote water retention though. Instead, you retain excess air. Yes, my friends...GAS. Gotta love a diet that encourages you to consume belly aching, flatulence promoting chemicals, but it is also lacking in nutrition, which leads to fatigue, dizziness, and utter pissiness. If you are on this diet and you reach this point (most likely around day 3 or so) get your ass to the kitchen, eat a peanutbutter and jelly samich, and burn your book. You will feel better. I did.
So, back to my magazine of the skinny bitches. There was like a 10 page spread of some has been models in some pretty skimpy, or non existent clothing. Can I seriously give some props to Helena Christensen??? When I was 10, 11 maybe, there was this song...Wicked Games, by Chris Isaac, and I LOVED it. Then I saw the video, and I wanted to be the girl in that video--Helena Christensen. This is her from the video, 15 years ago. But you honestly have to see the video (which I have been trying to play but it keeps telling me the website isn't responding because of a server problem. Maybe you'll have better luck. Just click on videos and music and check the song under the videos column.) http://www.repriserec.com/chrisisaak/isaak_frames2.html to seriously understand why a girl at such a tender age would want to look like her. (oh, who am I kidding, I want to look like her still...) And for her being 38, I'll be more than happy (and I'm sure my husband would be too) if I looked like her now when I am that age... But at any rate, for some reason, people like to photograph this chick half naked and soaking wet, which she was in this magazine. Along with Cindy Crawford, who is oh course still flawless except for that massive "beauty mark" shit stain on her upper lip. And some other hot has been model chicks that were "surgically enhanced" or airbrushed to perfection. What a life.
I'm spent.

oooo, oooo....here's some good shit...

I am all about Raw Dog Comedy on Sirius Satellite Radio. I have been turned onto a few really funny comedians. One of my new favorites is Mitch Fatel. http://www.mitchfatel.com Check out his site for a few good laughs. But you really should hear his material in full. He cracks me up.

Here's a good one, but I don't know who to give credit to. "What is the difference between an epileptic clam shucker and a whore with chronic diarrhea?"
A. An epileptic clam shucker shucks between fits.

Let me know when you get that one. :)

when the cat's away, the mouse needs ativan

So, the traveling salesman has flown the coop again. And I am left in dismay. And to make his absence even more daunting, last night had to ruin any happy thoughts that may have existed in regards to my capability of coping alone. I do not function well without someone else habitating my home with me, hence the ativan. Although I have my kids with me, I just can't find means of taking comfort knowing that a drooling giggle machine and a pre-menstrual 3 year old have my back. My mind has a tendency to wander, so I refuse to lay in bed analyzing every noise and plotting plans of action for every scenerio my warped imagination concocts. Which leads me back to where I was going with this story about 3 sentences ago. Last night. So Bob gets home around 10 or something and we try to have some quality time together talking on the couch, when FWAM!!! (like my batman sound effect?) Something hit our house--or so it seemed--with quite a bit of force. Bob flew into action, because growing up in the ghetto prepares you for action. Instead of just saying "hmmm...wonder what that was.....probably just the wind."and going about your business. Me? I freeze. But, I sucked it up and went to check on my sleeping kidos, who were still sleeping and fine. But I wasn't. I am the kind of person that needs resolution. I can't just accept that there was no one outside trying to break in, or that a moose didn't just charge our home, or that roof shrapnel from my deteriorating garage didn't blow into my house at 60 miles an hour... no evidence of anything ever happening. THAT is what's scary to me. SO THEN, we get sidetracked looking for my wedding rings (another time for that story) and I forgot about it. BUT that couldn't be the end of it. So, its 4 am or something...I was still half asleep and close to heart failure, and Maddy makes her way into our room at the same time Bob is springing out of bed ready for more ghetto action. Yet again...another freaking FWAK, or POOMB or whatever it was cuz I didn't hear it. So Maddy and I huddle together in my bed while Bob goes to find the root of evil again. He comes back...and nothing. Again. "Probably just the wind". 60 miles an hour or not...wind does not "FWAK" structurely sound bulidings like my house. A blunt object HAD to be the culprit wearing away my sanity. So, my sweet husband says he thinks it was just our neighbor's broken storm door. I'm sure it wasn't, but oddly, that helped me sleep a little better.
So here I am...no more wind. Haven't heard any noises yet. But I have 3 sets of neighbors on standby for my phone call if I lose it. And things will be better tomorrow night when I have someone here to tell me lies to ease my troubled mind.
At least my power didn't go out, right Scott? :)

dead weight...

I am going to start off with a very ugly word today. Cankles. Scott, put some depends on, or just plain walk away cuz I know how worked up you get when I go off on my cankles.
Lets start with a friendly vocabulary lesson. Cankles: a word used to describe the unfortunate absence of shapely calves and ankles. When the calves kinda just run all the way down to your heels, if you will.
I was IMing a friend of mine, who will remain annonymous (but I am sure he is prematurely wetting himself thus far into my story) when I noticed an unsightly bulge (that word is just gross) above my heel as I moved my foot around in circles. I guess I was just in cankle denial. And all he could do to make me feel better was reply on IM: ROFLMAO. To those of you who are not on the up and up with computer talk, that means "rolling on the floor laughing my ass off". To which I began my horrible story looking for a little sympathy...hell, I would have even settled for pity. I will not bore you with the whole story. Instead, the reader's digest condensed version: I have a pair of boots that made me seriouly work just to get the dang things on my feet. Getting them to zip up was an impossible feat. So my husband, best intentions in mind, bought me a new pair for Christmas (because I was honestly thinking my old boots were the problem, and not my cankles). So there I am Christmas Eve, turning 8 shades of red, contorting myself in any way I can to make them fit...20 minutes later, I admitted defeat. Bummed. So we went to the store to exchange them, with high hopes (or maybe I was just dillusional) that I would find a pair to fit me. Then, as if it would make me feel better, some 800 pound sales chick tells me she can't find boots to fit her either, and she likes to tell herself that its because she has "muscular calves". Uh huh. Mine would be muscular too if I had to support 800 pounds every day.

Now, I want to say that "fat" is the last word I would use to describe myself. I just don't feel comfortable in my skin right now. I can't use the excuse that I JUST had a baby anymore...that was 8 months ago. I have to come to terms with the simple fact that I have lost every ounce of motivation I ever possessed.

This is what I used to look like. Ahhhh yes...the days of 8 mile runs... And my diet!! A dozen cookies in a day? No problem... A couple cans of pop? No biggie... French fries dipped in my frostie? AMEN! This is what it boils down to: I have NO self control. I like to eat junk--don't get me wrong I eat plenty of healthy food. I love me some fruits and veggies...and whole wheat breads and noodles...but I can't say no to cookies, cakes, brownies, fried artery clogging foods, extra ranch for dipping etc. etc...
So, today I am vowing to myself to put down the sugar, get off my lazy keester and lose some weight. Although, I must add the weight isn't really my issue. Its the inches. Is there such thing as weight displacement? I'm not losing anything, but sometimes I can fit into certain clothes one day, and not the next. I dunno. I do know I gotta find the motivation and shed the jelly rolls and cellulite. Pretty picture to leave you with huh?

i joined the bandwagon

Well, I did it out of sheer boredom, and the fact that I am sick and don't feel like doing the routine crap I find myself repeatedly doing on a daily basis. I just wanna be a lazy bum today. I hate being sick, not that I've ever met someone who enjoyed it. The constant feeling you are going to pass out every time you stand up, or move your head for that fact. Not being able to breathe through your nose...or whats even more annoying, when you can only breathe out of one side of your nose. The aches, no appetite--and why have one when you don't even have functioning tastebuds? Feeling dehyrated, and having a hard time drinking even water cuz my throat feels like I swallowed a couple daggars. I guess I have honestly lucked out this year though, this is only the 2nd time I've been sick. Thats a good track record for me.
So I don't really have anything that interesting to talk about today. No pressing issues, no gripes, no funny stories... but I will promise there will be plenty to come.