i think i'm onto something...

Ok...I seriously don't mean to be obsessive, but I was getting my har did and I was looking through one of those magazines where page after page has nothing buy skinny bitches wearing ensambles made of hardly any material, and a 4 figure price tag. I came upon an article that said some women may be walking around with 10 extra pounds of water weight. I have diagnosed myself with this disorder. It said your rings will become tight, or not fit, you're constantly thirsty and frequently urinanting small amounts, your socks leave indentations around your cankles (ok, so I added that word in), and some other symptoms I will refrain from discussing. Now, I am supposed to take the advice from some all knowing (probably) skinny bitch. She offers me nothing I don't already know. Drink more water, avoid salt...yadda yadda yadda. I did learn something though that does not apply to me. There is a chemical called sugar alcohol. It exists in those fake, poser, wanna-be sugar substites that only crazy people on The South Beach Diet consume. This chemical does not promote water retention though. Instead, you retain excess air. Yes, my friends...GAS. Gotta love a diet that encourages you to consume belly aching, flatulence promoting chemicals, but it is also lacking in nutrition, which leads to fatigue, dizziness, and utter pissiness. If you are on this diet and you reach this point (most likely around day 3 or so) get your ass to the kitchen, eat a peanutbutter and jelly samich, and burn your book. You will feel better. I did.
So, back to my magazine of the skinny bitches. There was like a 10 page spread of some has been models in some pretty skimpy, or non existent clothing. Can I seriously give some props to Helena Christensen??? When I was 10, 11 maybe, there was this song...Wicked Games, by Chris Isaac, and I LOVED it. Then I saw the video, and I wanted to be the girl in that video--Helena Christensen. This is her from the video, 15 years ago. But you honestly have to see the video (which I have been trying to play but it keeps telling me the website isn't responding because of a server problem. Maybe you'll have better luck. Just click on videos and music and check the song under the videos column.) http://www.repriserec.com/chrisisaak/isaak_frames2.html to seriously understand why a girl at such a tender age would want to look like her. (oh, who am I kidding, I want to look like her still...) And for her being 38, I'll be more than happy (and I'm sure my husband would be too) if I looked like her now when I am that age... But at any rate, for some reason, people like to photograph this chick half naked and soaking wet, which she was in this magazine. Along with Cindy Crawford, who is oh course still flawless except for that massive "beauty mark" shit stain on her upper lip. And some other hot has been model chicks that were "surgically enhanced" or airbrushed to perfection. What a life.
I'm spent.