so much to say

I'm tired of following my dreams. I'm just gonna ask 'em where they are going and hook up with 'em later.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

do i need counseling?

I seriously have to think that I have issues, and my psyche is screaming at me to have them resolved. Maybe I am just eating all the wrong things before bed. :) I can't figure out why my dreams have been so demented lately. To the point I have been having anxiety attacks over them. I'll start off with my dreams last night, that somehow all had an underlying message: people ditching me. ??? yeah, I know. The first one was just odd. I was in New York City and it was summer, but everyone was wearing coats, hats, scarves...the whole nine if it were January. And I was in town with my husband, and 2 of our old bosses--for those of you who understand, it will make it funnier--it was Benacci and Berndt. HA HA!! Anywho, we were in some alcohol convention or something...for people who make their own spirits. We made vodka. But I drank the tiny little sample bottle we brought for the judges to sample. So we had to drive back to Erie to Benacci's house to get more (thank God NYC to Erie is only a 2 minute drive in my dreams). So I fell asleep there, and they started to pull away just as I was waking up. I tried to chase them, but got lost in an ally full of people waiting to watch fireworks. Then I woke up pissed. So when I fell back asleep again, I had another dream that my bathroom ceiling was leaking tons of water...not like the ceiling in my closet in real life doesn't give me enough anxiety. So for some reason when you are dreaming, a leaky bathroom ceiling warrants fits of panic to evacuate your home. So me and Bob left while our neighbors outside just watched our house deteriorate from freaking rain. Then we pulled into a gas station to fill up and I went inside the store to get something while Bob pumped the gas. Then while I was coming out of the store Bob rushed to get the hose outta the gas tank and scrambled into the car and sped off. Then I woke up again. Pissed again. Lucky for him he was already up and I couldn't beat on him. That's when I decided to just get up and stop the cycle.
My most traumatic dream was last week just before Benny's first birthday party. A little more background: His party was to be at my mother-in-law's pool where we often get pretty tanked and do stupid shit off the diving board. So smart, I know. So the dream started that there was a party there, but it was me with a bunch of my friends from highschool. I did a dive into the pool and cracked my head. If anyone watched the Sopranos this season, there were like 4 or 5 episodes where Tony was in a coma, and he was dreaming some crazy stuff. Well, that's what happened to me. People were coming to my bedside and telling me stories and I was dreaming about them (inside my dream...???). And my neighbor was telling me not to worry that she would take care of all the things that needed to be done for Benny's party... And then her husband and his mom were there and were trying to explain to me that I was in a coma, and have you ever been in a situation that you just break down in denial? Well, I did that. Then I became hysterical over things, like missing Benny's party, and first steps, and who would do Maddy's hair every day and so on. When I woke up, I cried for close to a half an hour. I've had anxiety attacks about it ever since.
Should I call someone? Do I need professional help? Maybe I should just stop eating chocolate cake or chips and dip right before I pass out.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your brain is just working overtime! I have a long history of weird, crazy nightmares. I also will wake up sobbing about a dream gone bad. Could it be genetic? Damn the lousy luck.

July 18, 2006  

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